If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it

i sit and wait for the new years eves eve 3 episode rerun of vh1s strip search...starting at 3am. how cool am i? very, thank you for wondering.

2/3's of winterbreak is over and recalling, i have done nothing but work, eat, sleep and hang out by the tv. Seriously, the only thing that i'll miss once school starts up again, is the fact that i wont have to tuck in my 23 year old sister to bed at 4 am after watching a marathon of making the band 3, having her try to say 'narf', and shoving food into my face not because i want to but because someone else told me not to. the last week, week 3 will consist of an excess amount of work which is fine because now i have all this extra cash saved up for who knows what. Maybe god ( assuming his existence) will lift his angry cloud over me and decide that perhaps this year will be the year that he finally lets me live a little. Maybe he'll spoil me with good fortunes, that would be histerically fantastic. Unlikely, but fantastic.

i saw pictures of this couples trip to ...a state of cold weather. they are an ugly couple, gravely ugly indeed but belonging to one another. I was just jealous that they could just up and travel with one another. I was not jealous of either person, just of how lucky their situations turned out to be. I actually know for a fact that one can't stand the other, that the relationship is a scam; existent because one is just too lazy to break it off. I just hate that they can look past common sense and pursue a life like that because it, temporarily, makes them happy. Gosh.


New beginnings:

* i actually like to work. i hate the people that i must deal with, but i actually like my coworkers. wow. what a revelation.

* i dont mind winter session coming so soon. Its not that i'm nerdly excited about some new chapter of education, naw fuck that. i'm excited that i'm not trapped in seats of the past this quarter. 5 weeks of pure new identity. I'm not saying i will magically be the top of the pop but i dont have to be next to 'her' with her cock hungry giggles and hair twirls in nonexistent competition with me and that is reason enough to smile as wide as i am doing so right now just thinking about it.

* oddly enough, i would like to to pass by just a little more quickly. I would like to fast forward to about, April, so i actually know where i'll be fall 2006. I feel like a high school senior all over again but so much older, wiser and...hotter. back then i just applied, waited and wanted to go because everyone else did the same. Now, i'm in desperate position of a new lifestyle, atmosphere and air to breath. This place sucks, its time to hate a new place.

* This isolated holiday season has made me confirm my life motto that it is better to be single than desperate. It not only applies to relationships of the sexual kind but of friendships as well. I was and am so happy to be sitting here, waiting for my strip search giddy as a school girl than sitting in the passenger seat mindlessly listening and being around people that make me want to rip off my own testicles - if i had some. Being in the presence of yourself is far better than being in the presence of someone you're always trying to avoid. Its not worth it. JANICE is not worth anything. OOOoooo what a nickname. SHaZAM!

i dont have any new years resolutions because i make goals year round that i accomplish anyway. i dont need an old guy and a giant ball droppin as an excuse. I just do things, and leave what i cant control into the hands of fate; damn cock teasing fate. i will state, however, that this year i WILL: attend a football event, a baseball event, leave this town, take a trip that requires flying to get there and meet at least 1 person i am obsessed with. I call those goals, if you call them resolutions then call me a fool. i dont give a shit, you're the one wasting your time here not me, i'm productively watching hot midwestern boys shake their jibbly bits. oOo yeah.